i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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