I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
