I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
be right there i have to get my cape
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
