either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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