i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
