she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
