sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
