I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
