Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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