we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
