so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
