nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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