I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
