The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
