what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
