no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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