Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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