Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
