The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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