Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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