Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
