I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you traded sex for a burrito?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
