just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
