How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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