i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
