margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
