I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
