i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
