had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
