I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
