Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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