dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
