No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
