i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
