I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
