Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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