i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
