She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
