two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
