So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
