Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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