I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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