Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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