okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
