Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
