You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
