the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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