She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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