So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
