Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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