Can i not drive my cunt home
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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